"My Husband Wants a Divorce.”
Divorced women how to Cope with the Devastating Blow
How many times in your life have you heard those words from a friend or an acquaintance looking to you for help or advice? What do you say?
Shortly after my own divorce, an acquaintance approached me in the grocery store, and to my complete surprise, she uttered just the words, “I’m getting a divorce”. I was totally shocked, as she and I hadn’t shared more than a distant wave “hello” between us in years. But something about the fact that I’d just gone through what she was about to go through, bonded us.
Ladies; here’s what I like to call a "bitch slap of truth"; if he wants to leave, let him go . How can I say that? Go brew some coffee. Get comfortable. This is going to be a long one.
As women, we have this weird ‘need’ to want to change ourselves into whatever HE wants us to be. And when he decides that what we've turned ourselves into, for him, just isn't enough, we throw up our hands and we say, "What else do I need to change to make you happy?"
Girls...here's the bottom line; He's a MAN…a flesh and bone human being. He's not a Louis Vuitton bag, or a sexy pair of Louboutins (seriously, I’d tear the head clean off of anyone who tried to take either of these from me). He's a MAN. And as such, he's gonna change his mind ten million times in this lifetime, about you and every-damn-thing-else, before he decides what he really 'wants'. Do you know what he really wants?
When he says, "I want a divorce..." it means that he wants to be without you. It means that he wants to dip his toe in the pool of his definition of ‘freedom’, to grab himself a taste of what he thinks he’s been missing (Ouch. I know that hurts but keep reading, I promise it gets better.)
But that doesn't mean that there's a thing wrong with you. In my own experience with those little words, my mind heard him saying: "I need to be by myself, so you can stop wasting your time with my lame self, and find someone who's worthy of the fabulous, stunning creation that you are. I’m truly not worthy of you." I'm not kidding. That's about what it adds up to for me. And I'm perfectly okay with that.
Girls, if/when your husband decides that he needs to be 'alone', or that you should 'take some time apart', or whatever his wording happens to be, don't misunderstand what I'm saying; yes, you should be disappointed; especially if his epiphany comes from out of the clear blue. Be disappointed. Be angry. Be upset. Throw stuff! Those are all very natural feelings and reactions to the possibility that this person that you thought you knew, this person with Whom you've shared everything for the last who knows how long, now wants 'out'. But once the dust settles, and you're calm, cool, and collected, you WILL be thinking, "I am an amazing creature! This is my time to figure out why I think I NEED to cling to this particular person, who has been verbal about the fact that I'm "not it". I don’t care who he thinks he is, or who you think you are you deserve to be “It”.
Take this time to work on who you are, and who you want to be. I know...it sounds fairly elementary, and it really is a total 'no brainer'. If he wants to 'figure out what he wants', I'll bet you a hundred bucks that if you use the time to do the same, and you're 100% honest with yourself, you'll find that he's not “It” either, regardless of how long you've been together, or what you share in life.
"I’m getting a divorce" isn't necessarily about you. It's his thing. Let him have his thing. Go find yours.
Debbie Burgin is an 11+ year divorcee, divorce coach, and author of The Joy Of EX
Debbie works with divorced and divorcing women who struggle with self-esteem and financial issues, and would like to create a better life for themselves and their children.
Debbie was divorced in 2000, and in the five years following her divorce had been “bankrupted, repossessed and damn-near foreclosed on”, but knew when it was time to pick herself up, dust herself off, and get down to the business of creating a brand new life!
What separates Debbie’s service from that of other divorce coaches is that she only works with individuals who are ready to get on with the business of moving forward with their lives after divorce, but have no idea where to start. Her clients receive undiluted, extremely specific, step-by-step information on what they need to do to move forward with power after a divorce.
Debbie’s book, “The Joy of Ex” is available on here The Joy Of Ex
Coping and getting ready to get back into the world of dating can be tough for divorced singles. If you would like to talk about how to get back into the world of dating after a divorce I'm here to serve you. The world of online dating can be a great place to try to easy back into dating after a divorce. I have been working with singles learning to use online dating sites since 2003 and can make that transition a little less stressful. You should clink this link to set up a consultation with me and get ready to date again.
I want to thank Debbie for sharing her article, book, and coaching site with my readers. I encourage you to visit her site and seek her council. She's been there and back in an inspiring way!